This has now troubled me enough that I can't concentrate on studying for my midterms. I have to write it down, or tell someone. Since I'm so awkward at the latter, here I am.
In my dorm is this precocious, tech-savvy, business-owning, really great--affable, kind, generous--sophomore who's taken upon himself to make himself our big brother. It's awesome most of the time--he takes us places, tells us stuff, organizes events--but now...it's come to bug me. You see, he's trying to make us into better people, and while it's not a bad thing, maybe I don't want to be preached to and I don't want to be meddled with. He's become a bit overbearing and if we refuse to participate with solidarity, he manages to make it feel like your fault. I'm usually compliant but...
It's my turn this time.
This week has not been a good week. I'm insanely tired and go to bed ungodly early. And I've felt like I've been spending way too much money. So when he proposed a trip to SF to see Wicked, I passed. He wheedled and cajoled and made an offer I usually couldn't refuse, but I didn't go. I went home to do some housekeeping, and then watched a movie for a DeCal of mine (it's a class on creative writing and Miyazaki's films). So then I crash back at the dorm, and he and the group come back from the show, and promptly leave again...for an early morning road trip.
So I'm both glad and jealous. Glad that I managed to throw off my lethargy, and jealous I didn't go. Of course they had a terrific time. But underlying this glorious trip, I felt like it was a revenge of sorts--a "ha-look-what-you-missed-out-on." He was angry with me yesterday, and might still be, and I did expect something like this from him, I just didn't expect it to trouble me so much.
I hate being manipulated like this. And I hate how it's affecting me.
Or maybe I'm just being a paranoid bitch who resents not being invited along and missing out on a great 24 hours. Maybe he's not angry, just disappointed at me. Maybe maybe maybe. It's not making me feel any better though, is it?
What a bad reintroduction to blogging; a whining post on people.
The worst part? It's a whining post on a nice person.
Why am I predisposed against nice fellows?
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2 coglocutate(s):
It's great that he organizes stuff, but... "he manages to make it feel like your fault" seems to indicate that he isn't being very nice. You should never be made to feel upset or angry or hurt because you chose what you felt was best for you. That's his problem if he can't accept that, not yours. I don't think you did anything wrong and you have nothing to be sorry for or upset over, unless you're upset at him for pressuring you.
I know I didn't do anything wrong, it just bugs me that he tries to use it against me, and it bugs me more that I'm bugged about it.
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