That Semiannual Affair

It's that time of my life again: The Haircut

Let's have a moment of silence for all the dear hair that have lost bits of themselves in this tragic event.

As you know by now, this is usually a semiannual thing (I think I may have gotten it wrong a while back the last time I blogged on haircuts...ahh, yes I did, I said it was a biannual thing. Which would mean I get my hair cut every two years), but this time could probably be rounded up to biannual for once. It's much easier to escape the fate when you live far away from The Decider (also known as The Payer, or mum). But yeah, I've been letting my hair grow and grow and grow, and have finally achieved my unofficial goal of being able to walk around topless without being unseemly, and of looking like a Korean chick from behind.

Let's play Guess Who's Korean!

   

If you guessed the right, then obviously you picked it up from the pixelation of a badly ripped DVD, duh!
But yes, long hair.
Long wavy hair. I figured out how to get my hair to hold shapes (rather than just the kink from having it in a ponytail all the time) by doing lots of twisting.
I don't know why I'm still so hung up on having long hair. It stems from childhood gender associations that long hair=girl, and being quite envious of girls who had long, braidable hair, when I was stuck with shoulder-length, unfun hair. But good lawd, I'm almost in my second decade, this shouldn't be my mindset anymore. *shrugs* I guess when your mother never let you keep your hair long, you may as well get slightly obsessed with having it long. Anyway, goals accomplished!
I mean, the other thing is that I never like how I look coming out of a haircut. Short hair is like an energy drink for my low self-esteem, as its many muttering mouths begin to slink about my ears, pointing out how the new style serves to emphasize my ugliness. At least when long hair, I could hide my ugly face behind it. Strangely, this time I had no objections on how my hair looked. I was reluctant, getting off that chair, to feel happy that for once, to accept that I looked okay. And then, when my self-esteem didn't turn up all dejected about it, I became carefully giddy about liking my haircut.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
In the spirit of my old haircut posts, here's a better blurred out face with an appropriate emote. Happily, my face-melting skills have improved, and I'm actually flesh colored for this one.


----
In other news, and I can't believe time has really passed so fast, I'm a junior. High school junior status took forever to get to, b-but here I am, so slose to donning a cap-n-gown again. It's unreal. But it is, and boy do I have a lot of ass-hauling to do. Yeah, I didn't think college moved that fast, but WOMG, for something so big, it sure zips by. Maybe because it's on a hill--momentum and all that. Anyway, I'm about to evolve from the primordial soup of undeclared into...well, Legal Studies.
Not very impressive, is it?
But as the timer counted down, I panicked and had to pick something, and nothing seems as blatantly obvious to be about law then something with the word law in it.
Kaffy no make good decisions *grunt*

Well, that's it for this post. Getting my life on track (fo srs this time, guys) means blogging more again.


By the way, now that I'm scrolling through my tabs, I missed a fuckton of stuff, like BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS NEIL GAIMAN! AHHHHHHHHHH

Take That Inefficient Government Agency!

HA!
In your FACE! In your, slow, begrudging, nitpicky, understaffed and underopened FACE!

I finally have my license. I can finally drive. I played your games, o devious DMV, o odious online appointment system. You may have made me cry, but I and finally fucking DONE with you.

[phew]

Glad to get that out. I have had such a vehement hate for DMV and its inefficiency and inflexible hours and frequent closings, despite probably being in the group of most important agencies in America (dude, everyone drives here).
I passed my driving exam. I have a license (well, and interim one. The actual one comes mailed in 6 weeks), and I am one step closer to being considered a functioning adult in the American sense.
Goddang.

It was raining when I left for the DMV office this morning. Not hard or soft, just enough to make me miserable about having to take my test today. In the drive over, I revoked my atheist-leaning agnosticism to hold a kinda crazy conversation with God in my head. Mostly it's me being crass and ribbing Him. I asked Him (mostly jokingly) to perform two 'miracles' for me: make it stop raining, and let me pass my test. We also talked of more philosophical things that I probably won't get to today; am far too giddy.
Anyway, rain continued to not let up, and I waited in lines, and got my documents ready. Now began the protracted jury selection. Waiting, hoping to get someone who was not a perpetually pissed, overweight, middle-age Caucasian woman whose sole goal in life is crushing the goal of nervous Asians to get a driver's license. I got a pretty neutral/grave-looking Filipino dude. Things are beginning to look up.
Then I begin to drive.
When we started, I went to pieces in my head. My paranoia was on an "ohgodohgodohgod" loop. My organization was on a fritz, dashing to-and-fro between lobes. My eyes decided not to cooperate with my head, and my thighs decided to spontaneously devolve to jelly.
And then I realized that driving is so easy, stfu and let me get on with it. And I did. Albeit not as well as I liked, when my in-pieces brain managed to spill out now and again. Managed to get through with only 5 marks off. Hurrah for lenient testing!
I had my windshield wipers on when I started driving, but halfway through the rain let up and I, rather belatedly, sheepishly turned them off and hoped the tester didn't notice...or at least judge me.
...On the drive back, I realized that both my requests were granted. I thought for the briefest moment, "are these miracles? Did God do this?"
Then, saner, I thought, "What would Tim Minchin think of this?"
Well, he'll sing this.
So we'll agree that I was delusional and that it was all Tefnut's doing.

The Journey to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

As noted in my bleak and emo post below, I'd gotten into a knitting class...

...and found it to be stuffed with insufferable hipster snobs, gossiping chicks, and a couple of sweet guys.
Anyway, I did learn how to knit in the round and with double-pointed needles, both of which are so much easier than I thought they would be. Hrmph!
I did learn a couple terminology and now have a vague and hesitant knowledge of knitting lingo/shorthand/code, but overall, am still a novice/amateur (I forget which one means you're a beginner that does it with no profit in mind).

This does of course mean I get to inundate this post with pictures of my gloves. I'm very proud of them!

Okay, so I managed to restrain myself and limit it to one.

Real post eventually. Probably when I need to study for finals...

Troglodyte amongst the Pillows

I read my earlier post on being lonely and a third-wheel in the presence of a strong friendship duo, and it doesn't make me feel better. Let me whine, Internet. Sometimes, I just want to wallow in pity and marinate in rejection. And be jealous. Oh yes.
*sigh*
Maybe it's just that I've never clicked with anyone the way they have, but at the same time, I feel like I'd be a good match for one of them, but, like all my relationships, seem to be unrequited.
I need sleep, and I need to quit being such a selfish asshole. There are a lot of things in my life that are awesome, and I am pretty damn lucky.
But.
Fuck.
...
Self-abnegation.

Goddamn I'm pitiful.

In happier news, I'll be knitting more. I got into a knitting DeCal.

What is Wrong with me?

Ashton Kutcher is actually not unattractive.

(Suck it Orwell.)

I'm watching Killers at the moment.
(also watched No Strings Attached earlier. We'll get a movie trio later)

Edit 1:
Wait no, I lie. He is not attractive.
He's only kinda attractive sideways, and where a tablecloth is hiding half his face.

Edit 2:
Fake looking french alley/cafe is fake.
Oh look. Guess I'm doing running commentary on this.
edit 2.5 (from earlier): "I'm going to go marinate in shame now"

Edit 3:
"His physical, godlike perfection"--Heigl
I snorted chocolate up my nose. Not good.

Edit 4:
God, men shooting guns in movies are hot (so none o' ya'll bring up soldiers or real life situations where this fact does not hold true).
Augh! Ashton Kutcher! Stop flip flopping on being attractive!

Edit 5:
*in awed and appreciate voice*
"Oh Spence! You remodeled my office! It's so organized!"
Oh hell yeah, Heigl, way to be typecasted.
WHOO OCD
Mini edit 5.5: not the best color for the office, imho.

Edit 6:
"How did I get a guy like you"
"It was your charm--" *kisses one boob* "--and your wit." *Kisses other boob*
...well. Crap.

Edit 7:
Implied sex in the office with the window blinds not drawn. All kinds of uncomfotable and UNORGANIZED!

Edit 8:
Guys in suits/business casual=<3 I have said this before, and I'll say it again. Guys always look attractive in suits. Noooooo, must. Stop. Finding. Attractive. Aspects.

Edit 9: EW. NORTON PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Sad face.

Edit 10: All the materials needed to set up the misunderstanding of an affair. C'mon movie industry, hit me with it. Make me groan.

Edit 11:
Fake driving is fake.
NO SEATBELTS!
I doubt the verisimilitude of your driving scene, Lionsgate!

Edit 12:
Kutcher: "where are your pants?"
mini edit 12.5: yeah, ashton. Where are they?

Edit 13:
Keeeeeep going, movie industry, you've almost got me to groan. Reluctant Kiss, hurrying the spouse off, suspicious tones.

Edit 14:
Shakycam during fight scene is a no-no!
Ugh, you'll make the motion-sickness people and good filmmakers puke.
mini edit 14.5: CROTCH GRAB!

Edit 15:
Man, I love heigl.
P.S. loud fight music during dialogue is also a no-no.
Especially when the music is so......igh.

Edit 16:
Heigl. You make amazing faces. Never stop acting in comedies.

Edit 17:
Counting the rounds on his 'Glock 45' which, according to wiki, doesn't seem to exist.
2 so far.
...okay, that's 7. I can doubt the verisimilitude of your movie a little less now.

Edit 18:
AUGH! STOP LEAVING YOUR FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER THE GODDAMN ROOM! YOU SO FORGOT YOUR TRAINING.

SPOILER ALERT

Edit 19:
Pregnant, really?
Really?!

Edit 20:
..Touching music. Tacky.

Edit 21:
Knockin' guns. SO COOL

SPOILER ALERT

Edit 22:
WHOA. That is one HARDCORE dad. Put sleepers in your daughters neighborhood?
Wait? The armsdealer wasn't that smug looking dude? What?

SPOILER ALERT

Edit 23:
Baby solves everything...
ALL that action, all those people dead, for nothing? What?
Esplain! Trust circle needed indeed!

Edit 24:
Terribly unsatisfying ending...
Eugh. Okay, you have totally ruined any attraction you have garnered for yourself Ashton! You+baby mustache=EUGH.

--[end of running commentary]--

Extrinsic to the Assemblage

Here I stand, before the laptop, softly illuminated by the screen, going cold. Not sleeping yesterday must have really addled by brains, or my hormones are rollarcoastering around until I start my .
I have always felt third-wheelish. In any situation with a group of familiar people, I find myself at odds, in an awkward, vaguely unwelcoming way, shunted from everyone. Perhaps I'm just messed up, keeping everyone at arms length. You know how sensitive I am. Or maybe I really...don't belong.
Even being in the same room, my room, with two people, it's as if an invisible glass door has been drawn between myself and the rest of the room. people seem to click better with everyone else but me. I am a rock, I am an island, yeah yeah, I really should be used to this, an only child, a sheltered child, a shy and awkward child, but my capacity for self-pity is neverending.
I had intended to moan about this, but wheedling about this to the faceless internet just makes me annoyed at myself. Blahblahblah, 'therapeutic' to write about this, express my feelings, keep in the practice of writing. Really, what am I doing? Making sure I sleep easier?
Ha!
As if letting it all out here means I get to deflate like a balloon and lie shriveled in bed, sleeping peacefully. I am far too...overthinking about this to slag this out and prepare to see the end of it. Note to self, blog does not cauterize your feelings, but is merely a trick mirror, showing you both how you want to appear, and how silly you are too.

Augh, I need sleep.

"It Doesn't Matter"

Yesterday, I watched two films. Well, one is hardly a film. Most film critics would have my eyes for considering it so. All right, all right, I'll get on with it.
Sliding Doors starring a startling young Gweneth Paltrow with a jarring British accent. Not saying it's not a good accent, just...well, I'll explain it later. The other is one of DC's direct-to-DVD animated movies, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths with jarring voice actors.
Two movies that are quite different, and yet made a sort of sense to watch one after the other.

Sliding Doors is a late nineties romcom? dramedy? It's a nineties film, okay? Complete with blocky cell phones, nineties haircuts, and those silly midriff-baring shrunken-looking t-shirts. Gweneth Paltrow is a British woman, Helen, who's not really having a great day. The movie gets interesting (and its title) when it branches into two intersecting movies that show the direction her life would have taken if he did, and did not, catch her train home. I read up on the synopsis on Wiki (bad habit, reading plots ahead of time, sorry) but did not expect them to edit the film the way they did. When it first started to skip between the two timelines, I figured it would be terribly confusing, and if you really aren't paying attention (like I can), it can be, but it really flowed quite seamlessly. It's a good film. I liked it, despite lacking, what was it that someone wrote on Wiki...'philosophy and deep bullshit' (paraphrased, obviously. You know how I feel about inserting that stuff into the arts sometimes). Oh come ON, lady, it's a decent film, meant to entertain us, not to make us terribly nihilistic. [rantrantrantrant helpfully excised]
It's not a great movie; some of the characters fall a bit flat and two-dimensional, making them seem a bit unrealistic. As does Paltrow's accent. I don't know about you, but somehow I can't see her as 'British.' Her accent's good, but wobbly sometimes (I hardly noticed. You tend to let that slide since the movie's good enough to hold your attention). It's not the accent, but her face and demeanor. She just looks so...American. Anyway, it's filled with a variety of accents, which I have such a soft spot for, you know, and for all its dated nineties-ness, flaws (and obvious allusions to its title. Alas, English class has ruined me forever) it works. Plus it uses Monty Python!
After that, I took a break from acting and decided to watch one of the DCU Animated movies I missed since I figured it would be no good, plus the casting was a mess! Ugh. Yes, I am a fangirl, and much much much rather have Conroy (but Greenwood did a marvelous job in Under the Red Hood), but William Baldwin. Really? Batman never shmoozes the way the Baldwins sound. Ick. But I'll get to that later.
The plot for this is pretty comicky as comicky goes. In a parallel, or rather, mirror, earth, the supposed good guys are the bad, and vice versa. The good Lex Luthor manages to planet-hop to this Earth and seek the help of the Justice League against their evil counterparts, since they're planning to blackmail the planet with a deadly bomb...or is that all? It's pretty well-written, a bit cliched in places, with a dose of Martian-on-Parallel-Earthling action. I couldn't understand why I passed over it when it first came out.
Then my fangirl gave me a firm pinch in the cerebellum.
Oh.
The casting. So many of the characters just sounded so...disjointed. Unlike Under the Red Hood, it's not that they aren't competent voice actors. This time around, performances are not wooden at all, it's just who they chose. Not so attached with Superman's voicebox, he sounded pretty good. Wonderwoman sounded too...sweet. Yes, she's supposed to balance feminine softness and superpower, but her voice actress generally lacked both the power (I'm guess tone makes more sense) to back up her Amazon prowess. There were times when she sounded like Wonderwoman, but generally...a little off. She acted well, it just didn't fit. Flash actually had a really good guy. He nailed the character. Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern didn't bother me.
Batman. Did. So. Much.
Balwin didn't bother, at all, to sound gruff or disinterested or Batmany. Maybe he did, and just came of sounding underwhelmingly....normal. I'm expecting a tone that is emotional without emotion. Not someone throwing out well-spoken, but emotionally-empty lines, as Baldwin does. He does not account for the unspoken feelings. Chris Noth, who voices Batman's evil persona Owlman (think grey Niteowl), sounds like a better Batman than Batman. Noth had husk and repressed rage and worn patience and subtle lack of emotion. They should've switched roles. All the other villians shmooozed. Baldwin would've fit right in.
Still, there are quite a few good lines thrown in, and as usual, Batman saves the day.
"There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked." --Batman to Owlman.
How, HOW could they make Baldwin say something so fantastic. Oh Conroy...
Anyway, the common thread between Sliding Doors and this is the idea that while in this reality you made this choice, another one arises where you didn't. This ever expanding number of realities from unmade choices is called the 'multiverse.' Which is kind of the plot of Sliding Doors, where it shows the two realities in which Helen either catches, or misses, the train. From the existence of the multiverse, Owlman becomes nihilistic, figuring nothing matters, since with any choice he makes, there is a reality where he didn't make it. So there are no choices that matter.

Just remembered another movie to write about.
My Dog Tulip
Remind me about that. I think I want to watch that again before I blog about it.